Figs and milk.

A sound elimination is the basis of good health.


True Blood has WAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS. As of the end of season three (not counting characters only in seasons 1 and 2) we have:

  • Sookie, who is off in Fairyland
  • Bill, who is fighting the Queen in the Matrix to ‘protect Sookie’ or something
  • The Queen, who is spilling her own blood just bc she wants some fairy blood
  • Eric, who is busy getting concrete out of his hair
  • Pam, who is busy being fabulous
  • Godric, who is a ghost hung up on ‘forgiveness’ or whatever
  • Tara, who is running away from her bad haircut
  • Terry, who is so happy he’s sad
  • Arlene, who is having a demon child
  • Jason, who is taking care of a bunch of hicks
  • Crystal, who is off being raped by her brother
  • Fenton, who is addicted to V
  • Calvin, who was shot dead by his son
  • Hoyt, who just bought a house for Jessica
  • Jessica, who is finally back with Hoyt
  • Summer, who is stalking Hoyt
  • Mama Fortenberry, who is plotting to murder Jessica
  • Russell, who is encased in concrete
  • Talbot, who is down the drain
  • Lafayette, who is going crazy
  • Jesus, who is a witch
  • Ruby Jean, who is convinced she needs to protect her son 
  • Tommy, who might be dead and definitely can’t read
  • Sam, who has been character assassinated
  • Andy Bellfleur, who is curious about V and has the DEA on his case
  • Alcide, who is the best character on the show
  • Debbie, who is plotting her revenge
  • Cooter, who is one dead werewolf
  • Janice, who is missing
  • Kitch Maynard, who is breaking Jason’s football record hopped up on V
  • Tammy, who likes carsex and trying on clothes
  • Holly, who is busy being Wiccan
  • Hadley, who is busy kidnapping her fairy-son
  • Claudine, who is showing Sookie the fairy-ropes
  • Lettie Mae, who is committing adultery with the pastor
  • Franklin, who is vampire goo
  • The Magister, who is headless
  • The Authority, who like Bluetooth
  • Lorena, who is finally dead, thank goodness
  • Ann Flanagan, who is a hypocrite

Did I miss anyone? Is this not insane? Alan Ball, here’s a tip: The number of characters you have is inversely proportional to the quality of the show.

  1. keepyourselfwarm said: Haha. True Blood is SO BAD. For some reason, I watch it every week with my girlfriend and spend the entire time wishing Tara and her quivering brow would die. That haircut/suicide tease took the worst possible turn it could have.
  2. astrangerworld said: PS - I don’t watch the show, but my folks do. And then my mom showed me this video this afternoon.
  3. figsandmilk reblogged this from sigh-twombly
  4. sunshadowpoet said: ¿Are you sure you got them all? I mean, with all of these characters, THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE ME IN THE CAST. It wouldn’t make much difference, at this point. MAN.
  5. sigh-twombly posted this
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