|—|| Jeanette Winterson (via budddha)
I have a ‘to-read’ pile as massive as my existential crisis.
Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!!
I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back I’m doing this for you fucker
the world is too big for love
I read your “On Sowing Wild Oats Together”. I’m with someone I see forever with, which I know is a sweeping statement for a 20-year old. In this case, I’m the one who’s itching to sow some wild oats. I haven’t revealed these thoughts to my boyfriend but because of his relatively conservative nature, I’m afraid that he’ll think less of me and that I think less of him. I don’t think open relationships are his cup of tea and I don’t want to kindle a topic like this lest it continues to burn in the back of his mind. Additionally, I’m held back my selfish and cowardly fear that I’ll lose him, and that the other side isn’t so green. What should I do?
It’s not that the grass is all that much greener when you’re off sowing your wild oats. (It’s pretty much the same shade of green wherever you happen to be standing.) It’s that the other side of your particular fence has a lot more roses to stop and smell. More thorns, too.
Whether you’re sowing wild oats, gathering ye rosebuds, or just looking for some greener grass, there isn’t a clichéd gardening metaphor that’s going to help you figure this out. You’re twenty. Even if you’re willing to acknowledge your limited ability to conceive of forever, you still don’t know shit about the person you’re going to be in ten years.
Your problem isn’t that you’re missing your window to explore your sexuality with other partners. Your problem is that you’re still naive enough to think that this is your only window. It’s not.
Life is gonna fuck with you, kiddo. Your circumstances are going to change. So will you. I’m not saying it’ll be better or worse. I’m just saying it’s gonna be different in ways that you aren’t even capable of predicting. In other words, the forever you’re imagining with this guy is a fantasy.
Your heart is going to get broken one day. You may think that’s bad news, but it’s not. It’s all part of the experience. Hell, this guy you’re with right now might not even be the one who breaks it. Who the fuck knows? Point is, this isn’t gonna be your only relationship. You’ll end up sowing some wild oats. It might be a few years from now, but it’ll happen.
Just promise me in the meantime you won’t do anything stupid like get married (or worse, knocked up), especially if you’re in the kind of relationship where you can’t even be open with your partner about your sexual and emotional needs because you’re afraid of his “conservative nature.” That’s a recipe for a miserable fucking life.
Is love without the forever part worth it?
There is no forever part. Everything is temporary. What you’re really asking is whether love without the commitment part is worth it. I tend to think it is, but it won’t feel that way during the phase of inevitable heartbreak.
I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months. I think he’s pretty much perfect, but we haven’t said I love you. Is it odd he hasn’t said it yet or should I give him time and not rush him? Or should I just suck it up and tell him?
Why tell it to him when you can’t even tell it to yourself? You didn’t say, “I love him.” You said, “I think he’s pretty much perfect,” which is code for, “He meets all of my criteria, but I’m not really in love with him.” Sorry, babe. If you can’t even say it to yourself, saying it out loud won’t suddenly make it true.
My roommate expects me to treat her like a sick child while she’s hungover. She wants me to make her food, bring her juice, rub her head, etc. I feel like she brought the hangover on herself, so she should take care of herself the next day. Am I insensitive? Or is she an entitled brat?
Bitch can get her own juice.
You made a typo in that last post.
Thanks, but if you wanna be on my spellcheck patrol squad, you’re gonna have to include the title of the post and the specific error.
Aren’t you ever tired of pretending to care?
I may get exhausted from time to time, but I’m not pretending.
Tell me what to do.
Think for yourself.
My boyfriend says he loves me, but only wants to see me like once or twice (max) a week. We both have shit going on in our lives, so sometimes this just ends up being status quo, but it hurts me when he passes on proposed plans because we’d seen each other the day or two before. Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang when he does?
Okay, stop. Let’s take a step back from what you think is the problem, and let’s attempt to reframe the way you think about pretty much everything.
First, let’s examine your phrasing: "Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang out when he does?"
These questions typify how you think with regard to your relationship, and it’s not healthy. The implication is that your boyfriend’s behavior is both appropriate and inflexible, and that if your emotional needs aren’t being met, it’s because there’s inherently something wrong with you.
That’s a fucked up way to look at the world. Would it ever even occur to you to use phrasing like, "Is my boyfriend being too aloof? Should I just put my foot down and demand that he hang out with me more often?" I’m not suggesting that’s the best approach, but you need to hear what it sounds like to not be a doormat.
At the very least, you should start thinking in terms of mutual needs and compatibility. The question you should really be asking is, "Are my relationship needs compatible with his relationship needs?"
Maybe they are, and you guys just have a lot of shit going on right now. Maybe they aren’t, and the relationship is too low a priority for him. Either way, convenience and inertia can’t be the only reasons you’re sticking around. If you aren’t getting what you need, have the emotional maturity to ask for it, and if it’s not likely to change, have the self-respect to move the fuck on.